Energy and Relationships... do you know how you show up?

A new year with new opportunities lays ahead for all of us, if we can see the opportunities when they are presented to us. If you don’t notice the doors of opportunity as they open, maybe it’s time to be honest with yourself and really look hard at the energy you’re giving away, as well as the relationships you have with others.

Do you know how you are showing up day in and day out? This term “showing up” seems to be popular in the world of pod casts, social media and other avenues of information and for good reasons. Knowing how you show up (also known as self-awareness) plays a very important part in our work and personal lives in a sense of cultivating how you feel about yourself, how you feel about others and your ability to build relationships.

Self-awareness can be described as “the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions”. When we can recognize and lean into our thoughts and emotions we stand a greater chance of forming better relationships, not only with other people but with ourselves. When we get in tune with our self- awareness this will allow us to become more curious and less judgemental of others mainly because we can see our own blind spots and learn how to adjust for a better overall experience.

Energy, is defined as “the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity”. How does this apply to you as well as others? Think about relationship energy - the energy that is created and worked on when forming relationships with other people. Every time we interact with others, we give off a form of energy and this leaves a certain type of impression. That energy can appear in many different forms. Some of these would include, positive or negative, passionate or disinterested, warm or cold, vibrant or dull, passive or assertive, a good experience or possibly a bad experience. If you were to reflect on the energy you give out during interactions, do you know what impression you leave with the other person? Could you be oblivious to this and possibly perceived as a bit of an emotional roller coaster by those around you.

Being more observant of your own emotions and interactions with people will help you to strengthen your ability to form deep and meaningful relationships. Have patience and take the time to expand your own perspective on ‘Energy and Relationships” and watch the doors of opportunity open for you and those around you.

Accountability

In my past workplace accountability always seemed to be this elusive ‘thing’. Today I find many of the  clients I partner with also find ‘it’ a struggle. When speaking about accountability with many different levels of leadership, from the shop floor to the highest level, I seem to get a mixed bag of nuts on how leaders view accountability and how they think they can grow it in their teams. The one thing that is common, no matter where I go, is that all leaders want a culture of accountability within their workplace, they just wrestle with how to make this happen.

I personally screwed this up years ago, when I let my leadership rank and ego be large and in charge.  I tried using a way of authority and discipline to create this thing called accountability and it obviously did not work.  Since then, I have spent countless hours researching and understanding how organizations and teams can create a positive culture that thrives on accountability. I believe there are some simple things that we miss.

The first place to look if you are the leader of a team is in the mirror!  As a leader if you find yourself blaming others for not being accountable and focusing on “who” rather than “what” went wrong then you will struggle! For accountability to grow it must start with you and no one else.  This means leading by example. Now this is an easy catch phrase to toss around, and it may sound good, but upon reflection, are you truly leading by example in all areas of your leadership?

The next thing to consider, is that people want purposeful work and growth within any organization.  If we stifle creativity, and give people the same daily routines, over time they will lose any sort of motivation and the spirit of accountability will grow oh so dim.  Under your care as a leader, it is your responsibility to foster and encourage people’s thoughts and ideas and to look for ways to help foster advancement or growth within a position.

And lastly, people will start to care when they know that you care!  This means becoming a servant leader who lives in humility, always looking for ways to help your team. 

There is no sure-fire way to grow a culture of accountability, like anything good it takes time, patience and a lot of work but there is a huge pay off if you stick with it. 

Grace & Space

Grace can be defined as the simple elegance or refinement of movement, courteous goodwill, doing honour or credit to someone or something by one’s presence.

Space can be defined as the dimension of height, depth and width which within all things exist and move. A continuous area of expanse which is free, available or unoccupied.

To be graceful in one’s movement or in one’s words can be something we may not put much thought into. To be mindful of our space and others is also an area that we can take for granted especially during busy, hectic lifestyles. We have all been made aware of space or “social distancing over the past couple of years but I’m not referring to that type of space. What I want to share with you today is the space that you give yourself, not the space we put between each other.

Often our days can feel like being in a ‘blender” where we wake up and jump into action and before we know it the day is over and… repeat. Most of us start off the day while lying in bed, checking our phones answering messages, checking our social media likes or posts without taking the time to give ourselves the personal space we so badly need. The type of space that allows each of us to be okay with being by ourselves, collecting our thoughts, reflecting on the things we are grateful for and making the effort to have the best day we can possibly have. You won’t find that space on any social media feed!

When we make a choice to give ourselves the space needed to reflect and be better, we are intentionally doing service, not only to ourselves, but to all those people around us. When we slow down and put into perspective the importance of life, we will naturally be courteous and bring goodwill to others, as we are doing this with ourselves. To be graceful can be as simple as being aware of your movements. In other words, your own actions and words, are these serving you and others to be better everyday?

Time is the one thing we are all given equally in this world with the only difference being how we choose to spend it. What happens to time each day? It expires, for all of us. When we truly think about the importance of this it should help to inspire and motivate each of us to make the best use of the time we are given.

How graceful are you in being courteous and bringing goodwill to others? How are you filling up your space and are you truly making the best use of your time? If not, it might be time to make some changes before the expiry date sets in.

The Power of Your Own Words

As I write this article, I can’t help thinking that it’s so important for anyone reading this (or my other articles) to please always keep in mind that these are my feelings and experiences. The intent of my articles is to provide a different way of looking at things and hopefully help my readers in some way. They are never intended to push my opinions on others.

A couple of reasons I really love writing, one it helps me express myself from a perspective of being real and honest with my feelings and two, I truly hope it provides awareness to others. I’m always fascinated by the words people use and the effect they have on others around them. Some words that get used regularly can become common place, but they may have an impact on others for the better or for the worse. Hence the choice on the title for this article “The Power of Your Words”!

There’s one word I made a choice along time ago not to use. Once I stopped using it, I was amazed at how many people say this word. You’ve probably heard it said when someone makes a mistake - “That’s so retarded”, or “You retard”, but you may not have thought what that word means to others. To make some sense of this let me provide a bit of background. When my son Nathan was a baby, we noticed he wasn’t responding to sounds or stimulus the way most children did. In the early stages of Nathan being diagnosed one Doctor had asked ‘how do we know Nathan is not retarded?’ and that’s when it hit! We left that Doctor and found one with more compassion, understanding and a thorough diagnosis. Around 18 months of age he was diagnosed with Autism and a Global Developmental delay.

As I write this it’s even hard for me to use the word ‘retarded’, but this story wouldn’t make any sense if I didn’t. Now this isn’t to say that I have never used the word before this experience because I did, truly not understanding what impression or feeling I would be leaving on others around me. I wondered how many times in my life I have said this around others who may have family or friends with disabilities and how that made them feel? Generally, people won’t say anything or the ones who do are often fueled by emotion and we all know how those conversations can turn out.

When we think about the impact or impression we leave on friends, peers, co-workers and family the words we choose to use really say so much about us. Sometimes these words can come from a place of emotion and that may get the best of us at times, or a word like “retarded’ just plainly becomes a habit that gets used in regular conversation. We don’t even realize it. At times it might be fun to say certain words that make you laugh but they may be hurting others around you.

Habits good or bad get formed all the time and this is no different in the words we choose to use. Self-awareness is so important for recognizing the things that work well for each of us and the things that serve us no purpose; possibly hurting others and ultimately hurting our ability to build relationships. There are lots of other words I could mention that I believe have little or no place in a conversation but this word hits home with me. I hope this helps and makes you think about the power of your own words!

The Asshole Pill

Normally I wouldn’t use any course language or obscenities in my writing, but for this story to make sense I must, hence the title “The Asshole Pill”!  Before I get into the heart of telling this story, I want to say thanks to those of you who take the time to read my material.  I have been truly overwhelmed by the text messages, Facebook comments and the amount of face-to-face conversations on how people have been helped by these stories.  For that I’m truly grateful and you inspire me to keep going!

About 10 years ago, as I was progressing nicely through a high-level leadership position, I was introduced to the concept of taking an “Asshole Pill”.  I should mention that this was a great place to work, and provided me and my family some amazing opportunities. For that I’m always grateful. However, there were some true challenges with our direction and how we should work with people.

It was during my annual performance review when I first heard the term “Asshole Pill’.  The review itself was going well, and I felt that I had made some awesome gains over the past year.  As part of the review you openly discuss upcoming opportunities and what I was looking for in terms of my next advancement.  I had my eye on moving into the next position which was one down from the Plant Manager, and this was no secret.  Early on in my career I learned that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you had. I wasn’t shy in doing this and letting my ambitions be known. As we were wrapping up the last part of the feedback, I was told that I was just too nice of a guy and if I wanted to better my career one thing I should do was, “take an Asshole Pill”.  So, I asked, “what exactly does that mean??”. I was told that basically I should be harder on my leaders which in turn would make them harder on their teams.  This type of Leadership is more of an authoritative approach and unfortunately it is one that gets practiced way too much.

So of course, I gave my Mother a call since I pretty much told her everything (as you read in my “Suit Yourself” article) and we discussed the “Asshole Pill” concept. She said “that’s not who you are Mike. The opposite of being nice is being mean and you’re just not that guy.”  So, I listened to my Mother’s words and stuck to my beliefs on how to lead and connect with people.  I didn’t get that promotion, which was okay, because I really loved the position I was in at the time. What made me even more happy is that I stuck to what I believed in and the leaders and teams under my guidance became stronger, fostering great relationships.

A few years later, even though it was one of the scariest decisions I ever made, I left that career to pursue my passion within my own business. I’m proud to say this is my 4th year of Coaching and Developing Leaders at Simply Advanced.

Being true to yourself regardless of positions, status, titles and money is the only way to truly be satisfied in your work or personal life.  It is good to adapt and be flexible to the never-ending changes in our world as this helps us all grow and be better, but never become someone you’re not, no matter what.  It’s not good to sacrifice who you are and, in this case, swallow an “Asshole Pill”.